Yes, I do realize that the actual lyrics of Johnny Cash's "hurt" say my "sweetest" friend, not my "Swedish" friend - yet every time I listen to it that is what I hear. Though I hate to butcher a lovely song, it makes me laugh so it's worth it.
Anywhosit
I had a pretty good day today, which is always an event worthy of celebration. For starters, my flu is almost gone, and I didn't feel like I had to force food into my pie hole. Baby steps people, baby steps.
There are two big highlights of today, one being a personal victory and the other being a present to myself (well no, a belated birthday present from my dad, but I picked it out today).
So let's begin with the personal victory. I think I've mentioned the fact that I'm a people pleaser before. I try my best to be polite, thoughtful, accepting blah blah blah. All good qualities to have, until you end up like me. I don't do confrontation. I often find the easiest solution to a conflict is to say "you're right, I'm wrong, what do you think we should do".
This method doesn't always serve me to well, as there are (rare) occasions where I am right and know the best solution for the problem at hand.
So today I faced a challenge in assertiveness. Every Carleton Social Work student can empathize with this challenge, as it involved a certain degree of conflict with a particular school administrator. I don't want to bash anyone on this blog, but several people have had disagreements with said school administrator. I was scheduled to meet her to discuss practicum (student internship thingy) options for the upcoming school year.
Now let me explain that this is the second time I've applied for a third year practicum. I completed a little less than half of it last year, but then withdrew from it due to hospitalizations and a desire to make my life a little easier. Anyways, I have accepted the fact that I have to repeat this process. However, I was told a couple weeks ago (by this school administrator) that I would not be given credit for the 140 or so hours I had done in my previous placement. Obviously, I found this unfair and upsetting.
So I went there not only to discuss practicum options, but also to try and get credit for at least some of those hours. I was nervous, yes, but I knew it needed to be done. Anyways, I met with her and explained that it was "troubling" to think that those 140 hours were completed for nothing, and how I wasn't informed that withdrawal from the practicum would mean I forfeit all those hours. I also explained that reducing the hours would be helpful for my adjustment when I return to school. Oh yeah, she knows about all my mental health shenannigans, I think my dad may have told her. In fact, she and another school of social work administrator visited me (unannounced) when I was in the hospital to discuss my academic future. That was fun (awkward) - they came right after art therapy and I was covered in plaster dust. Anyways, that's another story....
Back on track: She agreed, and so now I have 280 hours instead of 360! I know it may not seem like a lot but I am happy to at least have gotten that. Also, the agency that we identified as my top choice seems like a pretty good fit - and it's also in walking distance! I'm happy to say that I left the meeting with a smile on my face and without any desire to physically assault someone - YAY!
Ok, now the present from Dudesie to Alex. I've been looking at this bike shop for a few months, and they had the most beautiful purple cruiser I'd ever seen. I came and visited this bicycle a few times, dreamed of riding her through the bustling streets and rugged trails (ok, not so much the rugged trails). Then I felt a sense of shame - I have a bike (her name is Olivia) that is also beautiful and works well- why another? It felt a little like bicycle adultery. However, I would chat about this bike to my parents, and my dad (probably out of frustration) told me if I wanted it I should just get it. So anyways, I went to the shop to purchase her (I had been in only days before). She was GONE. Somebody had bought MY bike. It was quite devastating (yes I am hyperbolizing, obviously for comedic purposes).
Anyways, today I decide to go window shopping in westboro village (where this particular bike shop is located). After strolling down the street and browsing a few shops I came close to this store, and some bikes were on display outside. There she was - Prairie Crocus.
It was love at first sight. I went into the shop, and the salesman said "you again! coming to admire the cruisers again are we?". I nodded my head and muttered "uh, yeah..." (Damn! I thought I was being discrete!). I pretended to browse their selection of chain lubricant and brain buckets (Alexian for helmet), and then I turned to the salesman and said "I'm kind of interested in the purple one outside". "Well you have been coming here every week for the past couple months" replied the salesguy. He then proceeded to unlock the display bikes and bring them in. I embarrassed myself by shouting "not THAT one" when he brought in the first display bike. He explained that they were all locked together and to show me one he had to bring them all in. Duh. Anyways, she was perfect, and within a few minutes she was mine. I'm picking her up tomorrow and riding her home, and am so, so excited!
Ok, so what can we learn today? Well for one, being assertive is key to things working out in your favour, and it doesn't have to be terrifying. Also, good things happen to those who wait (and also to people who creep bicycle shops). Any other morals of my ramblings that you can think of are always welcome!
So finally a good day- I'm going to savour it and try to keep that same spirit going for tomorrow. Sometimes in recovery having a good is kind of scary. For one it makes a future bad day even more disappointing. Second it gives some people the impression that everything is fine now. As everyone reading this blog knows, I've still got a boatload of issues to work on, and likely a bad day will be in my future. However, today showed me that it is possible.
Have a good day (or night) everyone, I mean that sincerely.
Peace, love and veggies,
Alex
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