no apologies

Hey everyone,

I have been given a challenge by Toar. I'm not allowed to say "sorry" unless I physically injure someone.

I failed....ten times already.

Ok, I had a reason.

This guy I met online texted me today. Hey, don't judge Toar recommended this dating website. Anyways, we had texted/emailed a bit and met up once. Then I got my eye surgery and kind of....stopped communicating.

He texted this afternoon to see what was up, if I was still interested, that sort of thing. We texted back and forth for a bit, but I had a meeting with Toar and turned off my cell phone.

When I left the office I was all consumed by thoughts of the "no apology" challenge that I forgot to message him back.

He texted me about an hour later to say he felt rejected, how he had liked me and wanted to kiss me when we met, how he thought something was there but "obviously it wasn't".

I said I was sorry so many times. I didn't tell him I was with my therapist (for obvious reasons) and instead told him a friend had called who really needed to talk.

He was still hurt.

I then told him that I was messed up, that I shouldn't have even considered pursuing new relationships. That I was negligent and unfair. I pleaded for him to believe it was all my fault.

He said he felt lost

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

It's not enough.

It is so strange to think that somebody felt rejected by me. I feel like an untouchable in India.....it's impossible for me to reject anyone. I don't deserve anyone.

I'm sorry

Ok, obviously this whole endeavor has failed tonight, so I'm going to stop depressing you guys and lie in bed for a while.

Peace, Love and Veggies

Alex