I've been so overwhelmed.
I haven't had the energy.
I haven't had the insight.
I haven't had the motivation.
but I have to write about this.
I am a fairly introspective person. I take long reflective walks everyday. I read philosophy. I watch moving documentaries.
I'm in social work. I work with the chronically homeless and addicted. I'm volunteering at a children's hospice.
Yet some how, some way, life hands events that I can't even start to understand.
Some of you who read this blog may know what I'm talking about. Most of you don't.
At 4:10 this morning a 22 year old named Adam lost control of his motorcycle and collided with a wall.....he didn't survive.
Adam was a crew mate of mine during the 2005/06 class afloat voyage. I use the term "crew mate" because simply "friend" or "classmate" won't do.
We all boarded the SV Concordia with little sailing experience and even less of a clue as to what we were getting ourselves into. If adolescence is generally regarded as a time of confusion and turmoil, one can only imagine how it would look on a tall ship in the middle of the ocean. Yet somehow, we all made it.
Last night many of us floaties watched the W5 special "disaster at sea"
( http://www.ctv.ca/CTVNews/WFive/20101001/w5-disaster-at-sea-101002/).
We all watched the students recount their harrowing stories and were amazed by their strength and resiliency. While these young people are undoubtedly amazing survivors, I am guessing that a lot of that strength came from the fact that they all survived the experience together. If anybody had been lost at sea, I could only imagine how the perspectives would be altered.
Short hours after that thought crossed my mind, we lost a member of our crew.
and our view, our hearts, our souls, are forever altered.
I am beginning a volunteer placement at Roger's House, which is the pediatric hospice in Ottawa. One thing I recall from volunteer training that really stuck out in my mind was this - when young people die it throws our whole world view upside down. What is right, fair, natural....it goes against all of it.
and there aren't any answers.
There is talking.
There is love.
There is friendship.
There is remembering how precious life really is.
There is recognition that even though it can be full of pain and sadness, it is the only one we are given.
There is fear, anger, sadness, frustration, joy, serenity...
I know, I'm sounding rambly and self help guru-ish.
I'm just putting out the thoughts as they come.
I guess I should mention a reason why this really hits home for me right now - My first struggles with major depression were triggered by a loss of a friend in a car accident. He was 14, I was 12.
I just hope...I hope that this doesn't happen to anybody because of this tragedy.
I know that's probably a stupid thing to say.
People react to grief in different ways, and most of them don't end up in and out of the bin.
Argh.
But if you do....that's ok.
As long as you keep living.
I'm going to end here because I'm making no sense.
For anybody reading this who knew Adam- I wish I could hug you right now. Since I can't, I'm sending you warm thoughts and memories of a red haired dreadlocked guy who's humour, kindness, and enthusiasm for life inspired us all.
The world won't be the same without you.
Peace, Love and Veggies,
Alex
